Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

It has to get at least three stars because it's got Dan Stevens (and his piercing eyes) in it. Otherwise, this is an entirely derivative and predictable effort that leaves nothing at all to our imagination. A truce has broken out since the last time (2021), with "Kong" ruling the roost deep in "Hollow Earth"; "Godzilla" curled up asleep in the Coliseum and "Ilene" (Rebecca Hall) and the troubled "Jia" (Kaylee Hottle) keeping an eye on things for "Monarch" and mankind. "Kong" has a bad tooth so he comes to the humans for help. Fortunately, "Trapper" (the aforementioned DS) is a dab hand at grand-scale dentistry but it's while the ape is topside that alarm bells go off. "Godzilla" starts marauding again and an undiscovered vortex in the nether world requires investigation by "Kong" and his human pals. With "Bernie" (Brian Tyree Henry) back in the gang, off they all go to discover that a new menace has arrived, destroyed their monitoring outpost and it is now setting up a battle royal with just about every Titan left on Earth - above or below. Adam Winyard does just about everything on this film, and that shows in a complete lack of objectivity when evaluating this third rate adventure, the banal writing and equally lacklustre acting. It's as plain as the nose on your face why "Godzilla' - who doesn't feature so much in this - is collecting energy, and when we do eventually get to them, the combat scenes are repetitive and too tightly choreographed. The scale is all over the place too. At times "Kong" appears the size of an house, at others he's more like a mouse. The visual effects are put to good use, but Hall just underwhelms, Henry talks way too much and Stevens' busky humour just doesn't hit home at all. I know it's difficult to keep coming up with new ideas for this genre and it must be difficult for the actors to constantly engage with nothing but some greenscreen, but the story is thin and the film reminds you of just about everything from "Jurassic Park" to episodes of "Stargate". It does need a big screen, though. On television it will be even more forgettable - but I did like the moth.